Washington state and the state of contentment.

Dear Reader, so change of plans. Let me rephrase that: change of God's plan for this season. In the above picture, you might be wondering just what this place is (or maybe you know; in which chase you can pat yourself on the back), this is Port Orchard, Washington. This is where I will be going for (at least) this summer. I wanted to title this blog, "The COPS have come"-as in Change of Plans, but it didn't seem to fit. -I think I'm just probably into puns a little too much. Anyway, I haven't been here in around...18 years. I just just an infant; this was my place of birth, this was my first earthly home, this is where my biological father lives and family whom I am very eager to meet. I guess you could say I feel a bit like I'm going back in time. Now an adult, as compared to an infant, I am sure to have many memories. Like everything new, I am not sure what to expect. I only know I want to seek God's face through this time-through every moment, which I have been so graciously given.

The idea is that I will be staying with my Aunt, who has so wonderfully been willing to open up her home to me. I wish to be a blessing to her the same way I know she has already been for me. I am currently looking for work, I have already applied at a christian camp, but regardless God will provide me with the work that He wants me to do-I just need to trust, obey-I need to listen to HIM.

Granted-I take each person's advice with a grain of salt, and I seem to have been getting plenty of it. It has been made clear to me what others would like for my life. I appreciate it, I love you, but remember that following God has absolutely nothing to do with 'me and practicality'. I seek the Lord's hand in your words, as I wish you to do with me, but you're still human. You are 'entitled to your opinion' and all to that which I hope you know makes you feel like you are important. But in the same way that my words are from me, a human being, I pray that you entrust yourself to the Savior, Jesus Christ FIRST AND FOREMOST. His words stand firm to the very end.  Countless times (or maybe you can count it, but I don't remember off the top of my head) God says that if we are to speak, it should be to honor and edify. What you say will come out of your heart, or, let me rephrase that: what you truly believe. Even if you say something you don't mean-I can tell you that maybe not everyone can tell, but some will be able to and will find that of you to be true. I'm not saying for you to choose to speak good instead of bad if you...don't 'feel good'. I just mean, spend more time trying to emulate the truth instead of just...speaking it. That will indeed help you to be quite shiny-you know-a light to the world, like Jesus has called all those who follow Him. We are to be imitators of Christ. We are called to be ambassadors of Christ. He loves you, and He's a person, remember? He's not a building-not a series of religious activities-not a good fluffy feeling even-He's much bigger, and He's much more deeper and wonderful.

Please answer me this: What draws you to Christ? Why are you following Him? Why do you go to Church, dear Brother, dear Sister? Why do you stand there and worship in song-why do you sing?

On one of my phone interviews, I was asked this question, "What has God taught you this past year?"
Contentment.

BAM

This is the hardest part of following the Lord, for me. To be living intentionally.

Not doing stuff, not being busy, not knowing painful,hard, truths. Not being so convicted that I lay in my bed cuddled up with giant waves of sorrow and puddles of tears. No.

It's contentment. It's caring of God's Kingdom more than my own will, my own desires, my own dreams. It's living in these precious times, as difficult as they might become. Each moment is precious because you will NEVER have it again. You will NEVER have this moment, this minute, this hour, this day, to serve God in this very way.

I am usually either dwelling on yesterday, or despairing about tomorrow.

I have learned that in doing the hardest act, laying down my life-myself, I find that my dreams really do come true.   You know what's really cool?-Jesus did this for us!

What, might you ask, can you find in such an act?
I find joy unspeakable. I find unconditional love, I find myself being part of a Greater Work. Isn't that why you are doing what you are doing? Isn't that why you're going to college, working on that project, reading that book, etc.?

Matthew 16:24-26 says, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Dear Brother, dear Sister, before I come to a close with this blog post, I would ask that you would forgive me if I have, in anyway, led you astray. I do not, by any means, claim to be correct in my whole worldview-but I wish you to know that I am trying. I acknowledge and look to God for instruction, for guidance, for instruction, for truth. Please forgive me if I have, in any way, offended or hurt you in these words-in these posts. I pray my Lord always give you conviction and blessings through this blog. Through these words, or, if I know you, relational interaction. I don't wish you to 'feel' good if you have gained no substance. 


It seems just when I try to move forward, the brunt of my transgressions takes center stage (quite literally, recently). I pray you do not run away or curdle under whatever trail you are facing, whatever that might be. I pray you would, in remembrance of Who's you are, look to Him alone. I have felt the ache of sorrow to where I did not ever know if  I would make it through the hour, and I pray it is then, in your sorrow, that you cry out to your Heavenly Father. I praise God for your trails that you may lay it all down for the sake of gaining Christ. I rejoice for your pain because I wish for you what I strive for in myself- a pure, sincere, genuine faith in the Creator of the Universe. God talks a lot about fire purifying gold-He's really good with setting up examples for us! I wish that in whatever season you are in, you daily, moment by moment, seek God's face.

I would also like to affirm that contentment only comes from 'Seeking first His kingdom'. It is not a state you reach on your own by turning your cheek away from what makes your eyes sparkle. It is not something invoked when you suddenly become more disciplined.
God is a jealous God, He wants us to trust and depend totally on Him. He is more than enough, and if you could realize, He is everything you could ever not only need, but desire.

The song below I will share is not a 'christian artist' but they greatly, I guess you could say, inspire or motivate me. It makes me think of what my life without the Lord was like.

What was your life like before you knew Hope? 

Faith with relationship.

"My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality.  For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes,  and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, “You sit here in a good place,” and say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or, “Sit here at my footstool,”  have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?

Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him?  But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?

 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors.  For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all.  For He who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder." Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?  Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar? Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God. You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.

 Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way? For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."


Dear Brother, dear Sister,

How are you today? -Honestly? Please don't lie, please don't hide. Do you remember that God has called you to be His own? That it was by a painful death that Christ suffered in order that you might be set free? Whatever you are doing, or whatever you are not doing, I pray it be of sincerest devotion to your Father and not for personal strife. What are you doing, or not doing, and why? You know, there's a lot of good I'm sure you're involved in-but where is your faith? Is it set on the Kingdom of Heaven or a compensation of what you feel you are lacking as you watch the world around you? Is the good that you're involved in based on faith with relationship to God, or man? In the above verse, we read that faith without works is dead-NOW I want to identify that does not mean we earn salvation....we know from what Christ said that He cares about the heart! He cares about the inward man, regardless of how pretty the outside is....which will inevitably pass away. Faith starts inwardly and emulates out. We know that what we do is based on what we believe or don't believe. 

Faith- "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
(-Hebrews 11:1)

I wish that whatever you are doing, or not doing, that it is based purely on your life, on your love, for your Savior. That you are going about your tasks, obligations, relationships, with hope and love and joy and freedom in the back and front of your mind.

Dear Reader, I'm afraid I'm quite weary. But I talked to God today!-For real. Not just passing by 'thank you's and what's ups'. In my sorrow I knew He was there...that He is here. I told Him my deepest longings, I cast my cares on Him. I dropped the church goer smile and awkward side hug attitude. I wish for your time with Him to be just the same-that you are talking to this Wonderful Person!

I am convicted about what the LORD says through Peter:

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters,make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."  (1 Peter 1: 3-11)


I can be sure, I can be secure, because I have the LORD! I am equipped to live this life for Him. It's freeing to know that, yes, I will mess up and fail, but I literally, by my good or bad works, cannot get in the way of His plan! I STUMBLE WHEN I FORGET THE GOSPEL! -I FORGET THE CHRIST PART OF CHRISTIANITY! How simple yet astounding.


Dear Brother, dear Sister,
I wish you to be in relationship with your Creator. Read His word, talk to Him...go on a prayer walk. But I beseech you to please not waste your time searching the ends of the earth for an Answer or an Affirmation that you already have. I am sure that, in some way, you want to do something great in your life. I'll leave you two quotes, a scripture, and a song to sum up my point.

"In order to make a difference in the world, you have to be different." 

- (this I heard from Jeff Meyers of Summit Ministries)


"Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them."
-Elizabeth Elliot


"Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off."
- Proverbs 23: 17-18

I am learning to be content and to delight and wait upon the LORD because I realize the real state that I am in. That is, that I have been saved through the death and resurrection of Christ. If you are confused, foggy,unsure,insecure (...insert applicable line here..) I'd guess that means you probably, more than anything, need quiet alone time. Jesus talks about going into your bedroom and locking the door and praying...now, you don't have to...but in my own life I have found this to be very enriching. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself focused on the Who, instead of the what. Because, circumstantially, if you've got Christ, you've got it best...even in the worst of these wordly circumstances. But I'll guess that you are not in a third-world country and will say your worst 'problem' is the early stages of adulthood, 'what do I do with my life???' rather than you being threatened with your life (and family's life)  because you choose to follow Christ.

Please don't waste your time beating yourself up, beating someone else up, or beating yourself up because you are beating yourself or someone else up. Remember that you are called to be a good steward, to be intentional with your life. You have purpose, regardless of whatever everyone else is doing (which you shouldn't be worried about, in fact, Jesus tells us not to worry AT ALL!...If we have Him we don't have to.)

I am wishing the Lord's blessings be with you! Whenever I am 'down' I try to remember to thank Jesus for the eternal hope and peace and joy I have in Him because He died for me.

I am wishing these words have served you well, Brother and Sister. I really am wishing you the best. I am wishing you conviction and contentment in the Lover of Your Soul. I wish you to know truly that you are loved and cherished. I wish you to smile whatever sweet smile God put on your face. I wish that, whatever you have been called to for right now, career-wise, etc. it would be in line with walking the narrow path...looking unto Jesus, setting your heart on Eternal things. 

Proverbs 3:1-5

Dear friend, whoever you are...I am sure I wish I had a plan like you do. I wish I was in college and meeting people, as I focus on my career of choice and leading of my Heavenly Father. I am sure I wish I was as qualified as you. I wish I could tell you exactly what I was doing with my life right now. Because, "I want to be a wife and a mother" seem too delusional for someone my age and in my position. In fact, at this point in my life it's too painful to mention. It's too painful to think of my earthly Prince Charming because I would be lying if I said I thought he existed. Yes, I know I have an eternal bridegroom. And at present time I am eagerly seeking Him first, letting Him rule over my heart. And I know He is sure to grant the desires of my heart, and He is sure to change them according to His wonderful perfect will. I know my Heavenly Prince, Jesus Christ, has saved me, but today I feel as if I am still locked away in that grey and gruesome tower...looking out my window wondering if there really is a future...and if I really am a Princess or just a prettied-up wench who is asking for too much. I am that nobody who gets so easily ensnared while others are moving forward. I apologize if I'm depressing you...I hope you believe me when I say that I do know how blessed I am. I am fighting to hang on to the eternal hope that I have been given through the death and resurrection of my Savior.

Last night, at my 'sending off' we prayed about my trip to India.-Following that event I got an email about yet another delay from my visa. Maybe no India after all, Lord? How could this be so? So I go on Google and make innumerable internet searches to find an answer to my situation. Scrounging for an answer as my heart cries out, "WHAT'S GOING ON?!?" "DO I REALLY EVEN HAVE A PURPOSE BESIDES JUST BEING A PATHETIC, DEPENDENT, SELFISH, HOPELESS, DELUSIONAL LITTLE GIRL?"

I know God says "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness."(2 Peter 1:3). The Lord has equipped you, has equipped me to live this life for Him-to be a light to the world. To be an image of the invisible God, Who is loving, kind, and desires to draw near to each individual. He desires to be made known to each human being. That void that you might feel, whatever you want to call it: "Purpose, love, acceptance, joy, peace, hope, understanding, wisdom,truth..."- can be found in God alone. Everything else, I am learning, will just be a cheap counterfeit in comparison, no matter how truly great it might be. Even, at best, if it is good, nothing under Heaven lasts. It all perishes like the grass of the fields.

I know that what matters most in this life that I have been given is to live according to His word, His will, that stands firm to the very end. But I'm just so confused that I'm paralyzed-I can't move because I don't know what to look for or where to go. I can say that I go to Scripture and prayer, and I do. His word is sealed on my heart as I type this. I am sure in His goodness and leading....but don't you ever feel like what you take as His leading is a giant misstep?-And is this it? We know the Lord gives us choices, and choices are based on what we believe. We know that God is not the spirit of confusion, and we know that moving forward is indeed necessary. But where? Where to move forward?

I'm sorry, dear Reader, this is not a post based specifically on God's word. It does not have any devotional uplifting phrases in here. I don't expect you to worry about my life, or even care about these minute details. Regardless, I wish you encouragement, I wish you conviction, I wish the Lord's presence and leading to be with you. I wish you to know, brother, that if you know Christ, you are indeed a prince of the Heavenly Kingdom, and, if you, dear sister, know Christ, that you are a princess of that same place. I hope you know that your value is eternal, I hope you know that you are irreplaceable and cherished by the Most High. I will not pray that you don't go through struggles and confusion; because you will.- Sorry. But I hope you don't go so far as to stay up late in the night so anxious that you forget that you can come before the Lord, and that He hears you. That He cares. He loves you enough to, if your heart is on the altar of someone or something else, be faithful in letting you be utterly destroyed for the sake of building you up for the sake of becoming who  He created you to be.  I say this is indeed my very same ordeal-and praise God! Now, I'm not saying He intentionally harms us for His good (as if He could have selfish motives) but rather, harm comes as a consequence of our choices, our actions, that are based on whatever bad we believe. This could also be called sin, and while Christ frees us from sin, consequences are just something we face, regardless. Think of it like gravity-inevitable. I won't go too much into theology, because honestly I just might mess you up. And you'd be bored. Please forgive me if you get any misinterpretation, misunderstanding. I do not claim, by any means, to be wise. I do not claim these as God's words-but I know that He can use them.

I am jobless, career-less, visa-less, and I'm not getting any younger. I'm not strikingly beautiful, not academically wonderful, athletically impressive, theologically well-endowed, specially trained in homemaking, supremely intelligent and not particularly musical with any instrument. In fact, I'm not specially trained in anything, or socially well acquainted with others. I don't stand out in any way. These are my facts-this is my resume.

What do I have left to offer? I belong to Christ. I am a princess of the Eternal Kingdom. From an earthly standpoint, there's definitely nothing special. But He who called me will indeed do His good work as He pleases, as I sit here at the computer desk right now just as confused but slightly relieved than when I started. I don't have to be something special or perfect-God is. I'm called simply to glorify Him alone.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Rough around the edges.

I'm sitting here looking at a computer screen at 7 in the morning - why??? Lately I've been having very vivid dreams of visas, relationships and disappointments. I wake up with the intense desire to fix something. I log on to Facebook and scroll the newsfeed as if I know all of you personally, and I think 'surely their life is much more put together than mine'. As if most of the things we express on our 'status' could capture the inward workings of the human heart. I'll try to keep this post short, because I know that I'm probably a little rough around the edges with this whole blogging thing.
Dear brother and sister, if you are 'on edge' I pray that the following would serve as a tool to which your spirit might be lifted up.

I know God is good. Psalm 31:19

I know God works for the good of those who love Him. Romans 8:28

I know that God cares about my cares. 1 Peter 5:7

I know God has a plan for me. Jeremiah 29:11
I know that in God I have rest. Matthew 11:28-29

I know that I have everlasting hope because of Him who saved me. Titus 2:13

Father God, thank you for this new day that You have given me. I now remember that Your word stands firm to the very ends of the earth, forever. Forgive me, please, for dwelling on worry...for putting the circumstances of life in place of where You should be. -At the center of my heart. You are wonderful! Jesus, You  died in my place, you were already bruised and beaten. So why do I do it to myself?? Please help me in anguish not to sin against you more but rest assured in coming before You. Please forgive me for coming before Facebook, my opinions, other delights...all above You. Forgive me, please, for coveting others when I should and could just be happy for them....for have You, O LORD, not given me so much in abundance? All I truly have in this world to hold on to is You, because regardless anything/everything else fades away like a mist. My Good Shepard, please use this blog for YOUR good. Please touch each heart behind the eyes of each individual who reads it. May You give them exactly what they need. Please work out my visa troubles, and be glorified in them as well! I know that my departure for India is in Your timing, so Your will be done! It's about You, not me! And in the midst of my kitty pool of selfishness, You, who are so Mighty and Wonderful, pour Yourself out....thank you God. Thank you for the everlasting hope and joy that we could all have...if we just simply trusted You. I choose to trust you, right now. For I know that I have a choice, and choices are based on beliefs. I believe in Your goodness, and I forsake any will for goodness on my own. For even that is like filthy rags. May the words of my mouth, the meditation of my heart, and the work of my hands please You alone, Lord.
I love you.
In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.