Recently I had yet another discussion with my sister about eating disorders. My mother, my sister and I have been involved in that battle. Mine lasted most of my childhood/teen life; five years that I will never get back, five years that I wasted. I know that it's described as this big dramatic thing that is totally obvious and detrimental; and don't get me wrong, it is. In all aspects and at all points it is. If you were to go to dictionary.com and type in the word 'anorexia', here is the general definition you will find: "loss of appetite and inability to eat." In my battle against the flesh, literally, it all started with believing a white lie. It started in self loathing, and holding on to that, breed selfish ambition. And there the floodgates of true ugliness poured out. I denied my appetite of food for the sake of a deeper one: the insatiable need and desire for love and acceptance and peace; incarnated in size zero pants and ribs you could count from top to bottom. This appetite I could never deny; it was (and is) embedded into the very fibers of my being, the very grain of who I am. In this every human, in one way or another, can relate. But with this appetite and that little white lie, turned to almost be the death of me. I am afraid is has become the death of so many others; ironically it so easily consumes the very soul.
Still now I struggle with anorexia-not physically,no, not in the way of the mental state of choosing to starve yourself for a smaller body. No, I can so easily lose my appetite for what is true and good. I lose my appetite, my motivation, to live for my Savior Jesus Christ, in light of something else. I, like Israel, exchange the truth of God for a lie. I have an inability to ingest the truth because I do not in the quietness of my soul acknowledge Christ; my new life in Him, His love an His goodness. I surround myself with noise because it's easier than thinking. I lean on my own understanding. I become god of self.
Matthew 5:6 says this, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. "
John 3: 6-5 says, "Then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me with never be thirsty."
There are countless verses of Scripture that talk about the hunger for righteousness and truth and goodness, but what it all comes down to is Christ. I have found, I am still finding, that most of the time, I have to develop a taste for what is good, what is best, in light of the Truth; sacrificing other appetites in exchange for the one that resonates with all that I am, and indeed, gives life. For one that calls me to walk by the Spirit; to seek first His kingdom. The one that calls me to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him, in light of what He has done for me. To know Christ in all things and in all things to make Christ known.
God only knows the countless times I just sit and evaluate all my problems, all that is wrong with me and the world. Most of what I do, and have done, is based in light of the standards of others or myself; of the world, heck, reader, of what you think of me. I have an appetite to get 'a lot' of likes on my facebook. I have an appetite to be socially acceptable, to have a group of people who are proud of me. I have an appetite to be attractive to everyone in every way. I have an appetite to blame others for my problems, to blame myself, but as a whole still not combating them. I have an appetite for success and beauty. I have an appetite to be good on my own and in this way follow God; instead of simple obedience in meditation of His word and trust of this Wonderful Person. In turn I lose my appetite, my longing, and in turn, my ambition, for God and God alone. I lose my appetite to, in light of God's wondrous love, to love others sincerely in truth and boldness and in the passionate way that He has made me to be. Sometimes I lay in bed at night dreaming of inspiring and encouraging others and the idea of hearts softening as we as humans relate to one another; can come before one another, broken as we are, and change and grow and struggle together. Tears stream down my face at such a possibility; and that's just it! It is possible!
Dear Reader, you are valued and cherished and loved. Regardless of your issues or your successes, may you bring it all; lay it down at the foot of the cross. In light of Christ, in every facet of your life I pray you draw near to Him. Ever holding on the truth, in the midst of whatever season, in whatever feeling or circumstance or idea. Dear Reader, I do not personally know your life, your situation, your ambition. And God forgive me when I have led others astray in my own pride and hypocrisy. I pray you hunger and thirst for righteousness and that these you would find the real Treasure.
I want to learn how to die; I am learning how to die. All my hopes, fears, dreams, assumptions, misconceptions, lies, and even what I have come to know....all down at the cross. I want to use my head and my heart that the Lord has given me and make decisions; living life intentionally by holding on to Him and conviction. I want to live a life of love, not of how lovely I can make my life.
The following are just some verses that I searched for, in His Holy Word. I pray the Lord blesses you, convicts you; that somehow you are uplifted in this blog post...if you have been called to Christ, then you know we have also been called to die. Now, what do I mean by this? I mean that living for Christ takes intention, it takes being on guard, being alert and aware, which, as you read, you would realize God calls us to do this. I am not saying we are called to be oppressed, passive and sad.- On the contrary-it is His admonishment that we should be joyful at all times, ever persevering in the Truth, wherever we walk. In God's word, Peter actually says that we stumble because we forget that our sins have been forgiven, "But those who fail to develop in this way are shortsighted or blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed of their old sins"(2 Peter 1:9 NLT)He acknowledges our morality, and the only way we are not enslaved to it is through seeking Him; is in Christ alone. Simple, not easy. Walking the narrow path. I want to type more but I think from this point it might be a going on of rambling tangents. I still have to 'chew the cud' on this, myself to be a doer and not just a hearer of the Word. Also, God's word just speaks for itself.
You are loved.
God bless you, Reader.
"He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.."
-Titus 3:5
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
-Galatians 2:20
"And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."
-Luke 9:23
"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?"
-Matthew 16:25-26
"Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."
-Hebrews 12:2
"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus..."
-Philippians 2:1-30
"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed."
-1 Peter 2:24
"For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God."
-Colossians 3:3
"But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."
-Ephesians 4:20-24
"So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples..."
-John 8:31
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit."
-Romans 8:1-4
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."
-2 Corinthians 5:17
"So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ."
-1 Peter 2:1-25
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple."
-Luke 14:26
"For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised."
-2 Corinthians 5:14-15
"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."
The current job I have been working has been overall good, most of the time generally making me feel like I am on a roller coaster. In my youth I have never held down a job longer than three months. Most assume it's because I am frivolous and weak, and yes, sometimes that's true, but I'd like to believe it's because I am open and willing and flexible and looking unto the Lord.
I came up to Washington state to meet my family and my dad-and this I have done-but more than that I came up here in hopes of drawing closer to the heart of God. The older I become and with as many discussions my generation has of 'finding God's will' the more convinced I am that this is a disillusion. You see, God has equipped you to live life-to live it abundant-because of Christ. We do not have to be confused-it's okay to not understand-and where you don't understand is where you trust God-where you do understand is where you trust God, too.
Jehovah make's it clear to that which He wants-His 'call':
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself." -Luke 10:27
The above is just one of many many verses out of the Bible that communicate this very same idea-this very same commandment. Jesus said that the law, the Ten Commandments, is summed up in these words. In the Church, in the Christian community we praise God for His love, and we talk about what love is, but then we have rifts in our environments not because something is wrong, but because someone is annoying. We emphasize corporate worship but forget about the sweet perfume that the Lord loves when we truly love with abandon. When we forsake our ideas, our frustrations-when we lay it at the cross and worship with our hands, with our tongues, with the very minute details of the day, with our imperfections, with others imperfections, with our eyes, with our relationships, with our interactions-etcetera. When we love the unlovable remembering that Christ died for us when we were unlovable.
As I work with my job as store manager here at a christian camp, I find myself consistently tired and weary both mentally and physically. I struggle with discontent-I think of how difficult circumstances can be and I skip ahead to when it will be over and in the mean time go on 'auto pilot'. This is a lot of responsibility I have been given-a lot is expected of me, and just when I think I've 'got it down' there is another situation that goes awry. As a staff-as human beings grouped together in a sometimes high pressure environment- we misunderstand one another. We're exhausted and yet there is still so much that needs to be done. We have schedules though often the hours and minutes and people get off track. On top of the work set before us, there is dealing with our 'personal lives'.
Recently, after closing up the coffee shop and trying to take on a list that seems a mile long (just like every day), I used that time to spend with my Heavenly Father; playing music, cleaning, singing and dancing along with each movement. I was then approached by a coworker that we were requested to be open for earlier and, longer, than expected. I began to, in it's simplest terms, 'freak out'. I regret to type up that I did take it out on others-it was in seconds that I began to both cry and complain. As I continued on grumbling I heard God laugh at me, "Rachel," He says, "were you not just singing and moving to these words about Me being better than any possible terrible scenario? Were you not just rejoicing in My love and asking Me for growth , for guidance, and looking for ways of loving My people?," Yes, Jesus, I say. "Did I not set this employment, this work, before you for My glory?," Yes, Lord. "Don't you remember that I can use anything, that I work everything out for the good?" Yes, Father, You are good, You are wonderful and You can do anything. "Can you trust me enough to rest in my love, good or bad, knowing that I am always with you and I am always the same?" Yes, my Good Shepherd. Yes, Lover of my Soul. It's easy, and normal, to say that I look forward to when I will 'be equipped enough' to get involved in ministry, to live a life for God-to 'be on fire for God'. The truth is that if you have been called unto the life of Jesus Christ, if your life is in His death and resurrection (and His coming back!), that your life is not yours-and is therefore a ministry. He loves you and He loves every being created in this earth-I firmly believe this because He is the Creator.
I ask for forgiveness when I mess up, I come to terms when I really have tried my best, I take criticism with a 'grain of salt' in humility and joy and peace-looking to learn and apply, and I seek to love Him with all that is in me, with all that I have been given-and I seek to look unto every individual as God sees them, praying that He would help me to overlook any tiredness or presumption. Not striving for perfection, but rejoicing in the One Who Is. The longer I live the longer I come to know that, generally, life does not go according to schedule-circumstances are not ideal. They can downright suck. You go into your new day thinking, 'How is today possibly going to make any difference from yesterday?" And in that moment I pray you hold on to Truth. Maybe the lines won't get any shorter, maybe on paper nothing will get better-but in the midst of that, there is the Heavenly Father on His throne. God has taught me that when I fail, it is often time because I am not taking the truth for as it is-I am not taking it (or, Him) 'to heart'. Whatever it is I truly believe will be reflected in my habits and actions.
I am learning that it takes integrity, not so much to take on several tasks, but to finish faithfully with the ones that have been set before me. So as I go about in this current employment situation, fumbling along as I restock or blend up drinks or mop the floors or plunge yet another overflowing toilet, I can say 'It is well with my soul' because it is! I can thank my Lord for what He has done-for what He is doing.
I grain of saltiness the Lord brought through a family member was this: "The greatest thing you can get out of this life is making the best of out the worst."
God bless you, dear pilgrim, as you press on in your life. May it be His and not yours.
Waking up today might have been a little more difficult than yesterday. Scrounging your thoughts, you try to recall why you made, or perhaps didn't act on, those decisions. You're weary. You try to open your Bible or other typical convicting, inspiring handy book. But for some reason, you can't focus very well....you can't figure out why and curse yourself for it. As if that makes anything better. You move on to your daily tasks knowing full well that these are your obligations; this is why your here, not for yourself, but for a Greater Purpose. But, sometimes, even in acknowledging the truth, you feel no more alive than that dirty dish rag your're cleaning off that plate with. You might even feel like your fate is left to forever waking up everyday and working at this or that place, with these or those people. You start to talk to God, because you remember that you can 'cast your cares on Him' but as you open your mouth, you can barely decipher from your own mind all your million thoughts going a million miles an hour. You get scared to talk to your Creator, your Savior. You want to say something pretty and true that you actually believe. You want your prayers to be graceful and eloquent, you want others to nod their heads in agreement and murmur an 'amen'. You wonder if you should pray about your struggles, even though the Lord knows full well what they are and how many times you've asked for God's help and how little you've applied the truth. And you worry if praying for your struggles is selfish, and you feel selfish for worrying about you feeling selfish, and so you curse yourself for that, too.
I don't know what you're going through.
I don't know what obligations you have in regards to your life.
I don't know how you're really feeling if I were to ask you how you are and you slightly nod your head and say, "Good."
I don't know what you hope to get from today. What you hope to achieve from doing this or that.
I don't know your personal theological convictions, and I don't really care.
I don't care how often you read the Bible each day or your weekly attendance at Church.
I don't care if you go to College and have a job or you don't.
I don't care how many verses out of the Bible you can or cannot quote. Or how nice you dress or if you wear jeans all the time or how often you smile.
I know that you are a human being, weak and feeble and imperfect and so hungry in so many ways.
My only concern for you is the Gospel. Do you know it? Are you living it?
Do you connect with this Person, this Jesus, this High Priest and perfect example? Did you know He wants to be your Best Friend? Your Good Shepherd who calls you by name? This wonderful Person with whom you can relate to the most? The One who has come to bring life abundant?
Did you know that there is absolutely NO expectation for you to be perfect?-Just rely on the One Who Is.
God's not here to make you feel good. But He's also not your drill sergeant.
He wants to comfort you when you need it, and He wants to teach you-because you're His.
You will have to do things you don't want to, and give up things you do want to do. And maybe not, too. Your life's work might be to sit at a desk and take phone calls, or stay at home to take care of your children. Or work at some really greasy fast food restaurant. You might have to interact with those who you might otherwise avoid, because Jesus loves them. -And love pours out, the opposite being withholding. Being, you could say, exclusivity. I don't know the the 'type' of person you are and what you are doing in this life you have been given. I just pray that you know Christ. I pray you seek His face in each task, relationship, etc.
I just felt this overwhelming burden by the Holy Spirit to write. To admonish you, dear Brother, dear Sister.
Some lessons I have been learning is to come to terms with what I cannot change, to do the best with what I have in regards to my circumstances, and if I don't understand, to go before the Lord. If you made a mistake, ask for forgiveness where it needs to be asked. Don't beat yourself down for 'messing up again'. If you learn this time, great. And if you don't....well, you will more than likely fall on your butt again. I have learned that gratitude is the best medicine in the world for a heart in any kind of state...and, it just might be bitter to take at first.-It might be like sand paper on your soul. I have learned that it's okay not to 'get it' sometimes.We don't necessarily need an explanation, just Jesus.
By no means are you good enough to ever earn salvation or sanctification, and by no means do you have any authority to do anything to diminish the power of God, which is that, if you have accepted Christ, He sets you free. Christ is the example that God cares for human beings. Christ is the example that He does not give up on us.
There is no shame. In Christ, there is cleansing. There is hope, truth, joy, if only you would take the time to look at Him.
There is no God looking down at you with furrowed brows.
He's your:
Father.
Brother.
Lover of Your Soul.
Friend.
Ambassador.
Teacher.
Comforter.
Shepard.
Guide.
He is:
Sovereign.
Powerful.
Gentle.
Awesome.
Jealous.
Strong.
Good
Love.
Colossians 3: 1-17 "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality,impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised,barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."
Today is my 6th day here in Washington state. I am cuddled up with my flannel shirt and plaid pants and a cute little black chihuahua named Poco. The weather outside is, of course, beautiful. I am surrounded by green (and sometimes water) almost everywhere I go. I am sure by now my family is tired of my astonishment and excitement. I close my eyes and listen to the humming of birds and bees nestling into flowers, of animals hidden among the foresty trees...and I breathe in this crisp, refreshing air filled with many scents; flowers, wet wood, dew....some camp fire far off.
I have met a few of my many cousins, and aunts and uncles. They are very welcoming and inviting as if I had been here the whole time. It still doesn't feel real; that this family I have waited to meet is now right in front of me. After all, a family is what I have wanted my whole life; it's my dream. When the sun decides to come out, I close my eyes and let it's beams rest on my face. The perfect amount of warmth. I think of my Momma and how much I wish she was here-how much I know she would enjoy this. I think of when I hug her and cuddle into her neck and somehow, smell bananas. I think of how hot Tucson,Arizona probably is right now. I think of my home church. I think of my friends, the ones close and the ones that have faded away a little bit. I think of my sweet little dogs, Rescue and Lucy, who are both odd and cute. I think of the misconceptions others might have right now, and I think how much I would love to reconcile their thoughts, their ideas-but I'm not supposed to.
As I was boarding my plane from Tucson,AZ to San Diego,CA for the first part of my first flight, I was so tired that I thought my eyeballs might just fall out. I was praying that God would help me to look like a young woman who knew where she was going. I had to remember that I did-I do-know where I'm going.I prayed, most of all, that this was the Lord's will. I prayed for ease of worries-because I knew dwelling on future mistakes or mishaps does not involve faith. And more than anything, I want to trust the Lord. I will tell you that the whole traveling experience could not have gone better. No extra fees, no confusion about seating, no awkward or rude staff or fellow strangers. I just had to remember: one step at a time, take it with a grain of salt. So I focused on what I could do now. Grab my bags, shift around the way I needed, etc. Look out the window; my goodness how small we really are. On my second flight from San Diego,CA to Seattle, WA I met a girl named Amanda. She happened to be from the same town that I was going to- Port Orchard. Previously I prayed that the Lord would give me an opportunity to witness-and, in His own way-He did. I was amazed at how...I don't even want to say unusually well...but I will...this whole flight experience went. Amanda and I exchanged numbers, though we have yet to make contact. I seal that whole eight hours in my heart as a jewel, as a memoir that God does as He pleases. He is faithful in leading me where He wants. I just have to trust Him-and make my cares of Heavenly affairs above all.
I know that where I am is where God wants me to be.
Talking to one of my Aunts, I learned already so much about the Goossens. I learned you actually pronounce Goossens like Ghoossens (Hoh-sens). I giggle along as she tells me, and nod my head in agreement when she refers to the women of the family. I am an Auntie to as many children as I have fingers (who knows, maybe more!). They embrace me with sweet hugs, these energized little boys. I am blessed with how gentlemanly and accepting they are towards me. There are many little ones and I am loving it. I am wishing to be a blessing, a good asset, to my family here.
I'm not sure where to go from here but I seem to have plenty of time on my hands. I am so eager to go that it's easy to forget my Heavenly Father-how am I supposed to follow Him if I don't seek Him? I get so worried that I forget this life He has given to me in the sacrifice of Christ's life. I have no need to worry ; only do well with now. Seek His face in the seemingly mundane; God has placed me at this place at this time for a reason. Instead of dwelling on what should be, I should rejoice in the Lord and thank Him. After all, He is the deepest desires of my heart. I am called to serve Him-and oh, how badly I want to! And, you know, I can now, with what I have been given now. Isn't that how this all works?
I will be meeting my earthly father not this weekend, but the next. So please pray for me, or rather, would you pray for him, please? I don't know what to expect...I guess I don't have to...but I just want the best, I want a genuine relationship with the Lord, for him. And I am sure, God wants that most, of course.
There is quite a bit I know I'd like to work on in many ways, but I will sum it up in this: I just want to know Jesus more, growing in trust and faithfulness towards Him, and also in service to Him in each season. I don't want to make this life about myself by focusing on myself.
Dear Reader, I pray for you to be most deeply encouraged, most deeply convicted, most deeply blessed.
Dear Reader, so change of plans. Let me rephrase that: change of God's plan for this season. In the above picture, you might be wondering just what this place is (or maybe you know; in which chase you can pat yourself on the back), this is Port Orchard, Washington. This is where I will be going for (at least) this summer. I wanted to title this blog, "The COPS have come"-as in Change of Plans, but it didn't seem to fit. -I think I'm just probably into puns a little too much. Anyway, I haven't been here in around...18 years. I just just an infant; this was my place of birth, this was my first earthly home, this is where my biological father lives and family whom I am very eager to meet. I guess you could say I feel a bit like I'm going back in time. Now an adult, as compared to an infant, I am sure to have many memories. Like everything new, I am not sure what to expect. I only know I want to seek God's face through this time-through every moment, which I have been so graciously given.
The idea is that I will be staying with my Aunt, who has so wonderfully been willing to open up her home to me. I wish to be a blessing to her the same way I know she has already been for me. I am currently looking for work, I have already applied at a christian camp, but regardless God will provide me with the work that He wants me to do-I just need to trust, obey-I need to listen to HIM.
Granted-I take each person's advice with a grain of salt, and I seem to have been getting plenty of it. It has been made clear to me what others would like for my life. I appreciate it, I love you, but remember that following God has absolutely nothing to do with 'me and practicality'. I seek the Lord's hand in your words, as I wish you to do with me, but you're still human. You are 'entitled to your opinion' and all to that which I hope you know makes you feel like you are important. But in the same way that my words are from me, a human being, I pray that you entrust yourself to the Savior, Jesus Christ FIRST AND FOREMOST. His words stand firm to the very end. Countless times (or maybe you can count it, but I don't remember off the top of my head) God says that if we are to speak, it should be to honor and edify. What you say will come out of your heart, or, let me rephrase that: what you truly believe. Even if you say something you don't mean-I can tell you that maybe not everyone can tell, but some will be able to and will find that of you to be true. I'm not saying for you to choose to speak good instead of bad if you...don't 'feel good'. I just mean, spend more time trying to emulate the truth instead of just...speaking it. That will indeed help you to be quite shiny-you know-a light to the world, like Jesus has called all those who follow Him. We are to be imitators of Christ. We are called to be ambassadors of Christ. He loves you, and He's a person, remember? He's not a building-not a series of religious activities-not a good fluffy feeling even-He's much bigger, and He's much more deeper and wonderful.
Please answer me this: What draws you to Christ? Why are you following Him? Why do you go to Church, dear Brother, dear Sister? Why do you stand there and worship in song-why do you sing?
On one of my phone interviews, I was asked this question, "What has God taught you this past year?"
Contentment.
BAM
This is the hardest part of following the Lord, for me. To be living intentionally.
Not doing stuff, not being busy, not knowing painful,hard, truths. Not being so convicted that I lay in my bed cuddled up with giant waves of sorrow and puddles of tears. No.
It's contentment. It's caring of God's Kingdom more than my own will, my own desires, my own dreams. It's living in these precious times, as difficult as they might become. Each moment is precious because you will NEVER have it again. You will NEVER have this moment, this minute, this hour, this day, to serve God in this very way.
I am usually either dwelling on yesterday, or despairing about tomorrow.
I have learned that in doing the hardest act, laying down my life-myself, I find that my dreams really do come true. You know what's really cool?-Jesus did this for us!
What, might you ask, can you find in such an act?
I find joy unspeakable. I find unconditional love, I find myself being part of a Greater Work. Isn't that why you are doing what you are doing? Isn't that why you're going to college, working on that project, reading that book, etc.?
Matthew 16:24-26 says, "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
Dear Brother, dear Sister, before I come to a close with this blog post, I would ask that you would forgive me if I have, in anyway, led you astray. I do not, by any means, claim to be correct in my whole worldview-but I wish you to know that I am trying. I acknowledge and look to God for instruction, for guidance, for instruction, for truth. Please forgive me if I have, in any way, offended or hurt you in these words-in these posts. I pray my Lord always give you conviction and blessings through this blog. Through these words, or, if I know you, relational interaction. I don't wish you to 'feel' good if you have gained no substance. It seems just when I try to move forward, the brunt of my transgressions takes center stage (quite literally, recently). I pray you do not run away or curdle under whatever trail you are facing, whatever that might be. I pray you would, in remembrance of Who's you are, look to Him alone. I have felt the ache of sorrow to where I did not ever know if I would make it through the hour, and I pray it is then, in your sorrow, that you cry out to your Heavenly Father. I praise God for your trails that you may lay it all down for the sake of gaining Christ. I rejoice for your pain because I wish for you what I strive for in myself- a pure, sincere, genuine faith in the Creator of the Universe. God talks a lot about fire purifying gold-He's really good with setting up examples for us! I wish that in whatever season you are in, you daily, moment by moment, seek God's face.
I would also like to affirm that contentment only comes from 'Seeking first His kingdom'. It is not a state you reach on your own by turning your cheek away from what makes your eyes sparkle. It is not something invoked when you suddenly become more disciplined. God is a jealous God, He wants us to trust and depend totally on Him. He is more than enough, and if you could realize, He is everything you could ever not only need, but desire.
The song below I will share is not a 'christian artist' but they greatly, I guess you could say, inspire or motivate me. It makes me think of what my life without the Lord was like.
"My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality. For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, “You sit here in a good place,” and say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or, “Sit here at my footstool,” have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?
Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts?Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called?
If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well;but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is guilty of all. For He who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder." Now if you do not commit adultery, but you do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so do as those who will be judged by the law of liberty.For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food,and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble!But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar?Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect?And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.” And he was called the friend of God.You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.
Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way?For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also."
Dear Brother, dear Sister,
How are you today? -Honestly? Please don't lie, please don't hide. Do you remember that God has called you to be His own? That it was by a painful death that Christ suffered in order that you might be set free? Whatever you are doing, or whatever you are not doing, I pray it be of sincerest devotion to your Father and not for personal strife. What are you doing, or not doing, and why? You know, there's a lot of good I'm sure you're involved in-but where is your faith? Is it set on the Kingdom of Heaven or a compensation of what you feel you are lacking as you watch the world around you? Is the good that you're involved in based on faith with relationship to God, or man? In the above verse, we read that faith without works is dead-NOW I want to identify that does not mean we earn salvation....we know from what Christ said that He cares about the heart! He cares about the inward man, regardless of how pretty the outside is....which will inevitably pass away. Faith starts inwardly and emulates out. We know that what we do is based on what we believe or don't believe.
Faith- "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." (-Hebrews 11:1) I wish that whatever you are doing, or not doing, that it is based purely on your life, on your love, for your Savior. That you are going about your tasks, obligations, relationships, with hope and love and joy and freedom in the back and front of your mind.
Dear Reader, I'm afraid I'm quite weary. But I talked to God today!-For real. Not just passing by 'thank you's and what's ups'. In my sorrow I knew He was there...that He is here. I told Him my deepest longings, I cast my cares on Him. I dropped the church goer smile and awkward side hug attitude. I wish for your time with Him to be just the same-that you are talking to this Wonderful Person!
I am convicted about what the LORD says through Peter:
"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.
Therefore, my brothers and sisters,make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1: 3-11)
I can be sure, I can be secure, because I have the LORD! I am equipped to live this life for Him. It's freeing to know that, yes, I will mess up and fail, but I literally, by my good or bad works, cannot get in the way of His plan! I STUMBLE WHEN I FORGET THE GOSPEL! -I FORGET THE CHRIST PART OF CHRISTIANITY! How simple yet astounding.
Dear Brother, dear Sister,
I wish you to be in relationship with your Creator. Read His word, talk to Him...go on a prayer walk. But I beseech you to please not waste your time searching the ends of the earth for an Answer or an Affirmation that you already have. I am sure that, in some way, you want to do something great in your life. I'll leave you two quotes, a scripture, and a song to sum up my point.
"In order to make a difference in the world, you have to be different."
- (this I heard from Jeff Meyers of Summit Ministries)
"Faith does not eliminate questions. But faith knows where to take them."
-Elizabeth Elliot
"Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD.
There is surely a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off."
- Proverbs 23: 17-18
I am learning to be content and to delight and wait upon the LORD because I realize the real state that I am in. That is, that I have been saved through the death and resurrection of Christ. If you are confused, foggy,unsure,insecure (...insert applicable line here..) I'd guess that means you probably, more than anything, need quiet alone time. Jesus talks about going into your bedroom and locking the door and praying...now, you don't have to...but in my own life I have found this to be very enriching. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself focused on the Who, instead of the what. Because, circumstantially, if you've got Christ, you've got it best...even in the worst of these wordly circumstances. But I'll guess that you are not in a third-world country and will say your worst 'problem' is the early stages of adulthood, 'what do I do with my life???' rather than you being threatened with your life (and family's life) because you choose to follow Christ.
Please don't waste your time beating yourself up, beating someone else up, or beating yourself up because you are beating yourself or someone else up. Remember that you are called to be a good steward, to be intentional with your life. You have purpose, regardless of whatever everyone else is doing (which you shouldn't be worried about, in fact, Jesus tells us not to worry AT ALL!...If we have Him we don't have to.)
I am wishing the Lord's blessings be with you! Whenever I am 'down' I try to remember to thank Jesus for the eternal hope and peace and joy I have in Him because He died for me.
I am wishing these words have served you well, Brother and Sister. I really am wishing you the best. I am wishing you conviction and contentment in the Lover of Your Soul. I wish you to know truly that you are loved and cherished. I wish you to smile whatever sweet smile God put on your face. I wish that, whatever you have been called to for right now, career-wise, etc. it would be in line with walking the narrow path...looking unto Jesus, setting your heart on Eternal things.
