The current job I have been working has been overall good, most of the time generally making me feel like I am on a roller coaster. In my youth I have never held down a job longer than three months. Most assume it's because I am frivolous and weak, and yes, sometimes that's true, but I'd like to believe it's because I am open and willing and flexible and looking unto the Lord.
I came up to Washington state to meet my family and my dad-and this I have done-but more than that I came up here in hopes of drawing closer to the heart of God. The older I become and with as many discussions my generation has of 'finding God's will' the more convinced I am that this is a disillusion. You see, God has equipped you to live life-to live it abundant-because of Christ. We do not have to be confused-it's okay to not understand-and where you don't understand is where you trust God-where you do understand is where you trust God, too.
Jehovah make's it clear to that which He wants-His 'call':
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself."
-Luke 10:27
The above is just one of many many verses out of the Bible that communicate this very same idea-this very same commandment. Jesus said that the law, the Ten Commandments, is summed up in these words. In the Church, in the Christian community we praise God for His love, and we talk about what love is, but then we have rifts in our environments not because something is wrong, but because someone is annoying. We emphasize corporate worship but forget about the sweet perfume that the Lord loves when we truly love with abandon. When we forsake our ideas, our frustrations-when we lay it at the cross and worship with our hands, with our tongues, with the very minute details of the day, with our imperfections, with others imperfections, with our eyes, with our relationships, with our interactions-etcetera. When we love the unlovable remembering that Christ died for us when we were unlovable.
As I work with my job as store manager here at a christian camp, I find myself consistently tired and weary both mentally and physically. I struggle with discontent-I think of how difficult circumstances can be and I skip ahead to when it will be over and in the mean time go on 'auto pilot'. This is a lot of responsibility I have been given-a lot is expected of me, and just when I think I've 'got it down' there is another situation that goes awry. As a staff-as human beings grouped together in a sometimes high pressure environment- we misunderstand one another. We're exhausted and yet there is still so much that needs to be done. We have schedules though often the hours and minutes and people get off track. On top of the work set before us, there is dealing with our 'personal lives'.
Recently, after closing up the coffee shop and trying to take on a list that seems a mile long (just like every day), I used that time to spend with my Heavenly Father; playing music, cleaning, singing and dancing along with each movement. I was then approached by a coworker that we were requested to be open for earlier and, longer, than expected. I began to, in it's simplest terms, 'freak out'. I regret to type up that I did take it out on others-it was in seconds that I began to both cry and complain. As I continued on grumbling I heard God laugh at me, "Rachel," He says, "were you not just singing and moving to these words about Me being better than any possible terrible scenario? Were you not just rejoicing in My love and asking Me for growth , for guidance, and looking for ways of loving My people?," Yes, Jesus, I say. "Did I not set this employment, this work, before you for My glory?," Yes, Lord. "Don't you remember that I can use anything, that I work everything out for the good?" Yes, Father, You are good, You are wonderful and You can do anything. "Can you trust me enough to rest in my love, good or bad, knowing that I am always with you and I am always the same?" Yes, my Good Shepherd. Yes, Lover of my Soul.
It's easy, and normal, to say that I look forward to when I will 'be equipped enough' to get involved in ministry, to live a life for God-to 'be on fire for God'. The truth is that if you have been called unto the life of Jesus Christ, if your life is in His death and resurrection (and His coming back!), that your life is not yours-and is therefore a ministry. He loves you and He loves every being created in this earth-I firmly believe this because He is the Creator.
I ask for forgiveness when I mess up, I come to terms when I really have tried my best, I take criticism with a 'grain of salt' in humility and joy and peace-looking to learn and apply, and I seek to love Him with all that is in me, with all that I have been given-and I seek to look unto every individual as God sees them, praying that He would help me to overlook any tiredness or presumption. Not striving for perfection, but rejoicing in the One Who Is. The longer I live the longer I come to know that, generally, life does not go according to schedule-circumstances are not ideal. They can downright suck. You go into your new day thinking, 'How is today possibly going to make any difference from yesterday?" And in that moment I pray you hold on to Truth. Maybe the lines won't get any shorter, maybe on paper nothing will get better-but in the midst of that, there is the Heavenly Father on His throne.
God has taught me that when I fail, it is often time because I am not taking the truth for as it is-I am not taking it (or, Him) 'to heart'. Whatever it is I truly believe will be reflected in my habits and actions.
I am learning that it takes integrity, not so much to take on several tasks, but to finish faithfully with the ones that have been set before me.
So as I go about in this current employment situation, fumbling along as I restock or blend up drinks or mop the floors or plunge yet another overflowing toilet, I can say 'It is well with my soul' because it is! I can thank my Lord for what He has done-for what He is doing.
I grain of saltiness the Lord brought through a family member was this: "The greatest thing you can get out of this life is making the best of out the worst."
God bless you, dear pilgrim, as you press on in your life. May it be His and not yours.
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