The Son rise.

You.

Breathing.

Blinking.

Looking.

Searching.

For what?

Waking up today might have been a little more difficult than yesterday. Scrounging your thoughts, you try to recall why you made, or perhaps didn't act on, those decisions. You're weary. You try to open your Bible or other typical convicting, inspiring handy book. But for some reason, you can't focus very well....you can't figure out why and curse yourself for it. As if that makes anything better. You move on to your daily tasks knowing full well that these are your obligations; this is why your here, not for yourself, but for a Greater Purpose. But, sometimes, even in acknowledging the truth, you feel no more alive than that dirty dish rag your're cleaning off that plate with. You might even feel like your fate is left to forever waking up everyday and working at this or that place, with these or those people. You start to talk to God, because you remember that you can 'cast your cares on Him' but as you open your mouth, you can barely decipher from your own mind all your million thoughts going a million miles an hour. You get scared to talk to your Creator, your Savior. You want to say something pretty and true that you actually believe. You want your prayers to be graceful and eloquent, you want others to nod their heads in agreement and murmur an 'amen'.  You wonder if you should pray about your struggles, even though the Lord knows full well what they are and how many times you've asked for God's help and how little you've applied the truth. And you worry if praying for your struggles is selfish, and you feel selfish for worrying about you feeling selfish, and so you curse yourself for that, too.

I don't know what you're going through.

I don't know what obligations you have in regards to your life.

I don't know how you're really feeling if I were to ask you how you are and you slightly nod your head and say, "Good."

I don't know what you hope to get from today. What you hope to achieve from doing this or that.

I don't know your personal theological convictions, and I don't really care.

I don't care how often you read the Bible each day or your weekly attendance at Church.

I don't care if you go to College and have a job or you don't.

I don't care how many verses out of the Bible you can or cannot quote. Or how nice you dress or if you wear jeans all the time or how often you smile.

I know that you are a human being, weak and feeble and imperfect and so hungry in so many ways.

My only concern for you is the Gospel. Do you know it? Are you living it?
Do you connect with this Person, this Jesus, this High Priest and perfect example? Did you know He wants to be your Best Friend? Your Good Shepherd who calls you by name? This wonderful Person with whom you can relate to the most? The One who has come to bring life abundant?

Did you know that there is absolutely NO expectation for you to be perfect?-Just rely on the One Who Is.
God's not here to make you feel good. But He's also not your drill sergeant.
He wants to comfort you when you need it, and He wants to teach you-because you're His.

You will have to do things you don't want to, and give up things you do want to do. And maybe not, too. Your life's work might be to sit at a desk and take phone calls, or stay at home to take care of your children. Or work at some really greasy fast food restaurant. You might have to interact with those who you might otherwise avoid, because Jesus loves them. -And love pours out, the opposite being withholding. Being, you could say, exclusivity. I don't know the the 'type' of person you are and what you are doing in this life you have been given. I just pray that you know Christ. I pray you seek His face in each task, relationship, etc.

I just felt this overwhelming burden by the Holy Spirit to write. To admonish you, dear Brother, dear Sister.

Some lessons I have been learning is to come to terms with what I cannot change, to do the best with what I have in regards to my circumstances, and if I don't understand, to go before the Lord.  If you made a mistake, ask for forgiveness where it needs to be asked. Don't beat yourself down for 'messing up again'. If you learn this time, great. And if you don't....well, you will more than likely fall on your butt again.  I have learned that gratitude is the best  medicine in the world for a heart in any kind of state...and, it just might be bitter to take at first.-It might be like sand paper on your soul. I have learned that it's okay not to 'get it' sometimes.We don't necessarily need an explanation, just Jesus.

By no means are you good enough to ever earn salvation or sanctification, and by no means do you have any authority to do anything to diminish the power of God, which is that, if you have accepted Christ, He sets you free. Christ is the example that God cares for human beings. Christ is the example that He does not give up on us.
There is no shame. In Christ, there is cleansing. There is hope, truth, joy, if only you would take the time to look at Him.

There is no God looking down at you with furrowed brows.


He's your:

Father.

Brother.

Lover of Your Soul.

Friend.

Ambassador.

Teacher.

Comforter.

Shepard.

Guide.

He is:

Sovereign.

Powerful.

Gentle.

Awesome.

Jealous.

Strong.

Good

Love.

Colossians 3: 1-17 
"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality,impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised,barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Goossens (Hoh-sens).

Today is my 6th day here in Washington state. I am cuddled up with my flannel shirt and plaid pants and a cute little black chihuahua named Poco. The weather outside is, of course, beautiful. I am surrounded by green (and sometimes water) almost everywhere I go. I am sure by now my family is tired of my astonishment and excitement. I close my eyes and listen to the humming of birds and bees nestling into flowers, of animals hidden among the foresty trees...and I breathe in this crisp, refreshing air filled with many scents; flowers, wet wood, dew....some camp fire far off.

I have met a few of my many cousins, and aunts and uncles. They are very welcoming and inviting as if I had been here the whole time. It still doesn't feel real; that this family I have waited to meet is now right in front of me. After all, a family is what I have wanted my whole life; it's my dream. When the sun decides to come out, I close my eyes and let it's beams rest on my face. The perfect amount of warmth. I think of my Momma and how much I wish she was here-how much I know she would enjoy this. I think of when I hug her and cuddle into her neck and somehow, smell bananas. I think of how hot Tucson,Arizona probably is right now. I think of my home church. I think of my friends, the ones close and the ones that have faded away a little bit. I think of my sweet little dogs, Rescue and Lucy, who are both odd and cute. I think of the misconceptions others might have right now, and I think how much I would love to reconcile their thoughts, their ideas-but I'm not supposed to.

As I was boarding my plane from Tucson,AZ to San Diego,CA for the first part of my first flight, I was so tired that I thought my eyeballs might just fall out. I was praying that God would help me to look like a young woman who knew where she was going. I had to remember that I did-I do-know where I'm going.I prayed, most of all, that this was the Lord's will. I prayed for ease of worries-because I knew dwelling on future mistakes or mishaps does not involve faith. And more than anything, I want to trust the Lord. I will tell you that the whole traveling experience could not have gone better. No extra fees, no confusion about seating, no awkward or rude staff or fellow strangers. I just had to remember: one step at a time, take it with a grain of salt. So I focused on what I could do now. Grab my bags, shift around the way I needed, etc. Look out the window; my goodness how small we really are. On my second flight from San Diego,CA to Seattle, WA I met a girl named Amanda. She happened to be from the same town that I was going to- Port Orchard. Previously I prayed that the Lord would give me an opportunity to witness-and, in His own way-He did. I was amazed at how...I don't even want to say unusually well...but I will...this whole flight experience went. Amanda and I exchanged numbers, though we have yet to make contact. I seal that whole eight hours in my heart as a jewel, as a memoir that God does as He pleases. He is faithful in leading me where He wants. I just have to trust Him-and make my cares of Heavenly affairs above all.

I know that where I am is where God wants me to be.

Talking to one of my Aunts, I learned already so much about the Goossens. I learned you actually pronounce Goossens like Ghoossens (Hoh-sens). I giggle along as she tells me, and nod my head in agreement when she refers to the women of the family. I am an Auntie to as many children as I have fingers (who knows, maybe more!). They embrace me with sweet hugs, these energized little boys. I am blessed with how gentlemanly and accepting they are towards me. There are many little ones and I am loving it. I am wishing to be a blessing, a good asset, to my family here.

I'm not sure where to go from here but I seem to have plenty of time on my hands. I am so eager to go that it's easy to forget my Heavenly Father-how am I supposed to follow Him if I don't seek Him? I get so worried that I forget this life He has given to me in the sacrifice of Christ's life. I have no need to worry ; only do well with now. Seek His face in the seemingly mundane; God has placed me at this place at this time for a reason. Instead of dwelling on what should be, I should rejoice in the Lord and thank Him. After all, He is the deepest desires of my heart. I am called to serve Him-and oh, how badly I want to! And, you know, I can now, with what I have been given now. Isn't that how this all works?

I will be meeting my earthly father not this weekend, but the next. So please pray for me, or rather, would you pray for him, please? I don't know what to expect...I guess I don't have to...but I just want the best, I want a genuine relationship with the Lord, for him. And I am sure, God wants that most, of course.

There is quite a bit I know I'd like to work on in many ways, but I will sum it up in this: I just want to know Jesus more, growing in trust and faithfulness towards Him, and also in service to Him in each season. I don't want to make this life about myself by focusing on myself.

Dear Reader, I pray for you to be most deeply encouraged, most deeply convicted, most deeply blessed.